Thursday, September 08, 2005
Cry. Die.
I started a topic at about 9+ and ended it at abt 11.30+ with a feeling of deep confusion.I think i'll regret it all my life.
I need help. Save me. Help me. Lord, heal me.
Foolish, yes it is.. i dont know how. why. why? why am i such a foolish ass.
I do love her. I did, I do and I will still do.
Watching her cry before me like nvr before. First time it hurt me like nobody's business.
We moved from Popeye's, MRT, Walk to Simsville, Her house downstairs, 15th floor and 4th.
My heart yearned and yearned but i didnt know wad to do.
I watched her cry, and cry and cry and cry. It was such a difficult momement.
I really wanted to say yes. But i couldnt cause i didnt want to make another empty promise.
Ouch. Save me from the sea of sorrow. Remorse and regret.
Bet the whole world is gonna say t.chow sucks to the core of all cores.
I bid her goodbye as she tried to put up another usual look front to show her mom.
I knew deep inside her it was different. She felt lonely. I want to rescue her out from there.
I dont know her when i cant even take care of myself. Our babies.
I took the lift down her house. Stood down there below.
Hoped to catch a maybe last glimpse of her. Ouch. It hurts.
----------------------------just went to the balcony------------------------------------
it does. 2 wantons made.
i waited for abt 5-10mins. and i didnt see her. think she went back to her room straight.
my turn. as i retreated from her home, i started to break out.
ouch. really. pain. tia. tong.
i sat at the bench awhile, cried for abt 5mins. realised i was cashless, may miss bus.
so i tried to stop and headed to bus-stop.
took the bus and teared awhile.
got off and wanted to go downstairs to sit. but my mom ask me go up.
then here i am. i'm at a loss of wad to do. help.
sorry. and i know you've been hearing it alot of times.
i'm a bastard. bastard king.
made promises which i sometimes forget.
i promise you now that i'll never forget the 6months 1 week 5days.
i wont break it. this i promise the promise.
as i sift through my past memories, it came clear to me how important she was.
number 1 woman.
serious.
happy memories, sad memories. how she puff her cheeks at me.
how she hmphed me.
how she *deh*ed at me.
how she tickled me.
how we fed one another.
how we got over HER.
how we got through silences.
how we got over my neoprint-phobia.
how we got over my self-centred-ness.
how she made me happy many times.
how we decided to surprise one another.
how we thought of celebrating with one another.
how we decided to go MARCHE.
how we decided to go DING TAI FENG.
how we decided to go DIM SUM at bedok.
how we decided to go CAFE CARTEL.
how we decided to go SAKAE SUSHI.
i realised there's one place left. a proper chinese restaurant of dim sum.
i failed to fulfil it.
omg.
i'm sorry again.
how many times can i sorry you?
i'm sorry.
guess i wont be able to slp tonight. same for her i guess.
cry to slp.
miss her very much.
wish i could turn back time.
shit.