Sunday, May 21, 2006
remove that facade. my heart is painted with joy over rotten sorrow.
i just heard great news. tj badminton team is in the semis. they'll win rjc for sure. im terribly happy for that friend of mine. friends do give good hope and encouragement i guess.today was prelude 26. i bought 4boxes of nougats. 2 i gave 2 yr2s and my section and 1 gen wanted it la. lol. worse still. i came late. i also didnt know why la.. stupid idiot. then i bought circle tix in the end sit stall. really wth. tjband really rocks. comadarie and friendship. i enjoyed the perc ensemble. the stage band. GR. and the multiple impromptu encores. it rocks.
my life is full of regrets. i dont know wth i have missed. i wish i could turn back time. i always thought i've performed lots alr.. maybe it should be a break. oh wtf. i missed a deal. a big deal. really a million wtfs. as i sat there as an audience.. millions of memories came to my head. sorrow and joy merged into 1. a feeling indescribable. i dont know how to react. it sucks. i am so damn happy for the band. really. the looks upon their faces. the coolness. overall fantastic. on the other hand. i sat there like an idiot. and edmund was there complaining. wtf u wanna complain tell me for fuck. kns scold me wad u wan me to do. knn bring my box of nougats home. sorry i didnt ask it from u. my heart yearned for wad i had before. the fire. the determination. the respect. the ability to contribute. to ability to make a difference. wad am i now? a big fat idiot sitting in the audience and going wooh and clapping instead of being there. yeah.. i blew my own chance. really wanna die. i sat there with lotsa thoughts in my head. confusion. everytime its only if. and only if. and more of that. seeing my friends celebrate is a good thing. the worst part is u arent with them. i understand the pain of nt being into something. omg. i dont think i have done anything right already. nowadays im wasting my life away. forsaken. depressed. alone.
wanted to stay out all night. but my friends didnt wanna. i didnt wanna go home. i dont know wad to say. nothing is meaningful to me. how does it feel? experience it and understand it yourself. ended up heading to hk dimsum and speaking canto. nt bad food but i kinda liked the iced milk tea. then headed to shaw to watch grandma's house which isnt bad. lots of cock. and had a barcadi which sucked. the orange sucks. and took a cab home. and sitting back here having reflections.
i dont know wad to type on now.
i cant continue.
really.
i dont know wad to say.
i dont know how im feeling now.
i wanna die.