Monday, August 15, 2005
Sunday blues..
sunday blues.. another sunday..argh.. so damn difficult to wake up today.. mom tried to wake me up 3 times but didnt seem to work.. then i finally tried to get up and i did.. at 8.15. then as usual i laid back and slp awhile more.. then at 8.20 i woke up. then went to church.. and sermon was about "Finishing the Work." Its just so true.. God's glory will only descend when our work has complete, not before. And the job for me? I have to find time to speak with God.. walk with him and let Him reveal wad is His will for me.
Then after that chiong home with mom.. not forgetting to buy mac's breakfast for ourselves and my bro.. then wake him up. supposed to drop him off at SMU but he like nvr seem to come down. then he finally did and we left.. to BUKIT GOMBAK.
Had lessons with Leonard.. but not very well.. Bb for an hour.. and tried acaedamic festival.. then spent another 1hr chatting.. not say useless la.. its true.. talking about himself and his jc life.. about how he tried grabbing many things - violin lessons, harmony lessons, sws, band, mep 's' paper.. and his quarrelings with gf. yeah.. he gt much more than me actually.. but i think i do spend more time with my Pam than him though.. yeah he's a real nice teacher.. thought he was gonna scold me.. but didnt. im also irritated with myself la definitely.. for rising and dropping. then he mentioned that im in the "instant noodle generation." everything needs to be instant and stuff. yeah true.. told me to quit something.. which i wanted to all along.. dont want to quit anything. cant bear to.. but i should.. or sacked sooner or later i guess.
then go paya lebar to kia chai's house for pw. then michelle and shun min both push me to do my chap 4.. so difficult.. wanna die la.. why i so stupid to choose that? at least i did the survey results.. nt bad right? <-- excuse. then after tt me kia chai and arjun played winning eleven 7 on the com.. kia chai couldnt take arjun after i thrash them 4-1 in the 1st half then he came over.. made it 9-1. and arjun lost so bitterly. so sad.. then he left while i played a couple of rounds of cs.. the mom and bro pick me up go katong ampang niang tou fu eat dinner. surprisingly im full. probably afternoon i ate lunch at about 3plus and ate alot of chips..
then now im home while my mom go casket and bro go out with fren.. home alone.. Pam just called me to express her woes.. but i dont know how to comfort her? im so bloody useless la.. as usual.. useless chow(child). lame sia.. then she said tt i dont wanna comfort her.. but is i dont noe how.. hearing her out isnt part of comfort? i dont know.. maybe it isnt.. i would like to tell all my worries and stuff to everyone but i just cant be so.. cause i scared of other ppl.. dont like pouring myself out to ppl.. dont wanna be betrayed. the feeling sucks la.. when you want to end friendship but dont bear to.. Dear Pam, I really dont know how. If only you felt happy. Actually, I think im not good enough actually. its always me who hurt her. though she's done the same to me before.. but i dont speak of my sorrows often. who cares right? feel tt sometimes she's angry with me but i dont know wads the reason. maybe i gt 9pts so high ttz why dont know. no IQ or EQ to understand. i wish i could. most of the time i just keep quiet and take the pain to myself.. its alright.. stay strong. then i guess Pam is now angry with me.. how? haiz. i wish i knew how she thinks. honestly i dont know how to satisfy her.
im supposed to drop something out of my life. Pam? no.. she's important in my life.. she helps me to grow actually.. find that ive grown more.. less conservative.friends? no.. they are important too.like them but dont spend enough time with them.. sad. band? felt like la.. but i owe to TJ Band. helped me to appeal in during 1st 3 months.. so i owe it to them though i wanna quit. so sick and pressurized.. Tuba? no.. i love it. but the feeling sucks when you've risen to a level but have to drop down to go back to basics. now i've lost what i really loved to do in the past.. but ttz alright. i think im improving.. at least. stressful.. band friends who look at me.. i know.. i play like shit now la.. i also understand. im trying though.. but the bottomline is - shit. sorry guys. YO? wanted to long ago. though now i understand his concept of pressure.. abit sian la.. jin hao is better than me. think hui hong also la. me? hai. dont noe. and of course i cant stop doing tutorials. i wanna get at least 3As for A lvls.. try la at least. ttz abt it.
now tv showing Signs.. sian1/2 show.. no link 1 la.. lame aliens.. reminds me of scary movie 3.
then chan u gt the money minded guy.. watch on chan 62 many times liao.
guess wad both my mom and leonard said is right - dont spread yourself so thinly.
"you want everything? you'll get nothing." <--- from one of leonard's ex-teacher(cant remem who).
yeah, so like me? i wanna do something bout it. but so difficult. so which is it? i dont know..
till then.. have to do chap4 and do some lame GP topic sentences shit. and tues gt f.maths test on polynomial till integration by parts. i die la. havent even touched integration by parts. and im lagging by a million years in chem and phy. see? example of how i spread so thin. wanna do everything. im too greedy. think too 'geh kiang'. i should stop this bad habit or i'll do badly for 'A' lvls with flying colours. do work already.. bye blog..